Loneliness

Loneliness is the word to best described my life thus far. Even if I'm surround with people, I often feel lonely because I don't have someone to talk to. I try to connect with people around me and sometimes I succeed however there are times I wish I was more open. My life has been good and bad. I have made the biggest mistakes because of my loneliness. Loneliness is like a disease that it seems that it doesn't want to go away. Since I was 15 or so, my self- esteem was low, I had friends but in reality was I a friend to them. I didn't think of them, I always thought about me me me. I'm a selfish bitch that doesn't listen to them. I think thats one of the reasons I'm lonely. Since then, I have been lying to people and to myself. I want to stop and truly make some real friends. Friends to have fun with but also to talk and to listen too.

I'm finally doing something about it. After 6 years feeling this pain, I'm actually seeking help and hopefully with the help from the person and from my family I will be able to succeed in socializing but also be successful when I start working. There are people who look at me and think I'm weird because what I did in high school. At some point I feel bad because I remember the mistake I did. However if they are just going to judge me because of that, well thats they're problem and not mine. Yeah, I did that but it was a mistake because I was feeling depressed and had low self esteem. They wouldn't know because they never got to know me. I know I'm shy but what gives a person to judge a person just because one or two mistakes they did.

:) I'm happy that someone actually reads my blog. At least I have someone who cares to read what I write. Yeah, writing is a good way to communicate but also to express what one feels. And I actually feel good, well great. I know this won't go away from "la noche a la manana" but step by step I will accomplish everything. :)